Week Five: Tact is the Best Tactic…

Chances are, after the initial excitement, you’re both going to begin to worry – probably about different things. You may start to get concerned about finances, whereas she is probably going to be freaking out about how big she’s going to get or the labour she’ll have to go through in eight months’ time; which is probably why it’s a good idea not to tell her that the average woman gains around two stone in weight during her pregnancy, or that due to the weight of your child her feet may spread and grow 1-2 sizes. It’s best if you never tell her that at all, ever. She’ll probably just grow to resent you for impregnating her in the first place.

Seriously, though, it is best just to enjoy the moment and try not to worry. You’ll have tonnes of support along the way; not just from family and friends, but from midwives, doctors, nurses, and even the government, when she’s far gone enough. Right now, the next eight weeks are critical. It’s known colloquially as the “danger zone”, the twelve-week period when if something is going to go wrong, there’s a higher chance that it will. The baby is developing fast, and so make sure your mrs gets the recommended dosage of Folic Acid down her each day to help keep things ticking along smoothly – and keep her away from alcohol, caffeine, smoking, drugs, prostitution, murder, that kind of thing. They’re considered to be really quite bad. Whilst your partner may give up things like murder and alcohol, I can’t guarantee that you won’t be the subject of some form of violent domestic abuse over the next few months as she turns into some kind of Hulk-like, weepy, hormonal monster. Man, this is going to be fun…

"In sickness, and in health..."

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5 responses to “Week Five: Tact is the Best Tactic…

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