Jess is actually beginning to resent me a bit. I know! Me, of all people! I’ve been nothing but charming. It’s because she wants to be skinny and fit. I’m neither, having recently grown a second chin and often hyperventilating during the walk from the house to my car; but I’m still skinnier and fitter than her, and so I’m on her black list. I probably don’t help matters: it really annoys her when I overtake her on the stairs.
Jess is going through panty-liners like they’re going out of fashion, although I’m not sure they were ever in fashion. This is on account of increased cervical mucous production, which is common at this stage. She also suffers a lot with pins and needles in her toes and hands – which are swelling by the day, making her look like the Michelin Man. Cervical mucous, pins, and needles. The ingredients of possibly the worst recipe ever.
This week sees your baby’s most rapid period of weight gain, rising from around 5 and a half pounds by another eight to twelve ounces. Because of this, the child is getting mega cramped, which may result in decreased movements – although when it does move, it’ll be stronger and more forceful as the baby goes all Bruce Lee on your partner’s abs. Our sprog is keeping Jess up all night, which is causing her to lose sleep and feel a bit grotty. I’m still on the sofa, which is getting pretty comfortable now, if you don’t mind waking up with your neck bent out of shape.