Ha! You wish.
Sorry chaps and chapesses, if you want the birth story (plus a tonne of other hilarious stuff) you’re going to have to buy my book. I feel like some kind of evil genius!
The last nine months have been a bumpy ol’ ride, like a rollercoaster at Drayton Manor or riding down concrete steps on a unicycle. There was the time I grilled a poor midwife about cheesecake, and gulped down a lump in my throat at the sight of my unborn son’s scrotum. We’ve had tears over episodes of Friends, and unrelenting anger aimed at me and my innocent giblets. From experimentation with yoga to high-fiving a girl with a broken arm; from tiger stripes to telling a nurse I had no excessive discharge, it’s been 39 weeks and 6 days that I’ll never forget.
But now there’s a new challenge. I’m a dad now, which brings a whole array of new obstacles and experiences, ups and downs, all of which will confirm to me that being a parent is the best thing in the world. Maybe if this book takes off, I’ll write a sequel about looking after a squealing baby – but one step at a time…!
I will carry on posting parenting-related randomness on this blog, but nothing else from the book will be published online. If I gave it all to you for free, you wouldn’t buy the book now would you?!
Thank you sincerely for your encouragement, your kind words, and for all your support; you have no idea how much it’s helped. And, for the record: my wife’s boobs look great.