This Post May Contain Rude Words

Not swear words, mind. I don’t swear. I mean the proper words for wong, giblets, privates, woo-woo, widgie, tuppence…whatever it is that you call that thing you’ve got down there.

Allow me to explain. My wife attends a parenting class each week – not because she sucks at being a mum or anything (she doesn’t, of course), but to meet other mothers and gain knowledge and feedback on the minefield that is being a parent. This week, she came home and told me that we should start teaching our 3 year-old son, Isaac, the anatomically correct words for your dinkle or front butt. Whispers: By that, I mean the words ‘penis’ and ‘vagina’. Snigger.

This is Isaac. He dressed himself this morning.

Quite impressive, his fashion choices, don’tcha think?

Anyway, we’re digressing. Back to the bits. I thought that this was a pretty odd thing to teach kids, but apparently studies have shown that:

  • Paedophiles are less likely to abuse a child who uses ‘grown up’ words for their privates;
  • Authorities are more likely to take a child seriously if he states that Uncle Jack touched his penis, instead of Uncle Jack touched his dinky. (Sorry if you actually have an Uncle Jack, I’m sure he’s fine.)

I’m not sure how I feel about this. On one hand, I don’t want Isaac to lose his innocence and be plunged face-first into the world of vaginas and stuff so soon in his life. Heck, it’s only been a few years since he came face-first out of one. On the other, if these studies are true, then I want my child to be at a reduced risk of getting lured into the back of a white van.

What I do know is that when Isaac says ‘penis’ he sounds super-cute, but he can’t for the life of him say the word ‘vagina’ properly. Unless you count ‘bajuna’ as a good substitute.

What do you think? Are our children losing their innocence too soon? Or are we just looking out for their safety?

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4 responses to “This Post May Contain Rude Words

  1. We taught our son as soon as he started learning body parts at maybe age 1? (cant remember), “where’s your nose? where’s your mouth? where’s your penis? etc” As a result, the word ‘penis’ has never become a rude or naughty thing to say, as it shouldnt. (he’s 18 now, and very comfortable saying it) I’ve always noticed that families who used ‘hoo-ha’ or ‘willy’ still cant seem to bring themselves to say penis.
    We didnt teach him vagina then btw, but when the daughter came along we tried and neither of them could say vagina very well, so we stuck to a ‘fanny’ pseudonym for a little while until they could wrap their tongues around vagina. (didnt mean that to sound dirty)
    I do remember hearing about one kid who got to sex ed age and was continually confused because he thought willy was the correct name….I think its a good thing to use the right words asap.

  2. Apparently the information comes from a survey taken from convicted paedophiles in Australia, they are quite open about their crimes and all agreed that they it was highly unlikely that children using the correct vocabulary would be abused.

    Still not sure how I feel about this and can understand Ben’s point re a child’s innocence.
    However, one thing I do NOT recommend is calling your young son’s private body part (coincidentally) by the same name as his grandma’s pet name for grandpa, caused no end of childish giggling when said grandparents visited, and that was just from the adults !!

  3. I have to say I am not up for the grown up words just yet, mine are just two and five, I think nu nu’s and winky are just fine for now.

    I am 34 and mine is still a mooey lol

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