I don’t know why I listened to them, but I remember being tucked up in bed with my headphones on, Walkman clutched in sweaty palm, listening to songs which, quite frankly, scared the living heck out of me. Again, I don’t know why.
They were songs meant for children, of course. I was about nine years old; it’s not like I was listening to the Satanic yellings of Marilyn Manson or Slipknot. These were tunes written especially for children. It’s just that, for some reason, they freaked me out.
My brain has kindly erased most of my childhood terror memories, but a few remain; and, when I think of those nights spent terrified in bed as I lay sweating in my Rupert the Bear jammies, these are the three songs which provide the soundtrack. Even now, listening to them is somewhat unnerving.
The Prehistoric Animal Brigade
This is not a scary song, per se, although it is about dinosaurs, which by themselves can be pretty terrifying; but it frightened me something rotten. It’s the sense of doom you get when you hear it, and even now my imagination conjures up a low black sky, a foreboding rainforest, and the faint thud-thud-thud of a brontosaurus’ footsteps as they draw ever nearer…
The Hippopotamus Song
I can only remember the chorus to this song, but it still gives me the willies. I think it’s the mention of blood, I’m really not sure. Maybe it’s because hippos are VICIOUS ANIMALS that are responsible for HUNDREDS OF DEATHS A YEAR.
Oranges and Lemons
“I know,” said the sadistic expletive who penned this song. “I’ll write a tune for kids about bells ringing and then BAM! hit them with an ending about chopping off heads.”
Which is why, hundreds of years later, my face looked like this by the end of the song.
I hate this tune with an all-consuming passion. Only Katie Price and people who think TOWIE is a good TV show top this horrible excuse for a song.
Here comes the chopper to chop off your head…