Five stars, of course

Dear reader,

You look incredible today. Has anyone ever told you that? And you smell great, really lovely. What do you mean, it’s your natural scent? Wow. Look at your bum, it looks amazing in those jeans. I could just reach out and pinch it.

And you, lady. You look almost as good as your fella, with your great figure and shimmering hair. C’mere, gimme a hug. You’ve got a bit of baby sick on your shoulder. Thanks for that. Still, you look great. Forgive me if I lick your cheek.

What do you mean, ‘what do I want’? Can’t a guy just give a compliment? In this day and age, can’t I jus- OK, you’ve seen right through me, I need your help.

As you know, when you’re trying to sell books, reviews are everything. They can make or break a book’s success. At the moment both of my books have five star reviews, but I could do with more nice things being said in order to keep up momentum.

So, here’s the thing: if you’ve read and enjoyed ‘Goodbye, Pert Breasts’ and/or ‘Teething Pains’, please could you leave a nice review? If you do, I’ll give you that hug. And maybe more. Promise.

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