People say it’s nice to smile at others. Brightens their day, apparently. So today I thought I’d try it.

I walked down the street and saw an attractive girl, so I stopped in my tracks and smiled. I’d love to recreate the smile for you, but I can’t. Needless to say, it was a winning smile. Something like this.

She was unaware of my smile, happily listening to her iPod, but when her eyes met my grin she stumbled to a halt, drawing her purse up to her chest. Her eyes fixed on mine, a look of lustful shock on her face, she edged past me and hurriedly walked away. I watched the back of her head as she went, still smiling, twisting at the waist as she broke into a trot, then a canter, then a full on gallop. I really think I made her day.

Then I went to the park, where loads of kids were sliding on slides and swinging on swings and roundabouting on roundabouts. My plan was to hide and wait for a child to come past, when I would jump out and give him or her my winning smile.

So I found a thick bush, into which I nestled, my face poking through the foliage. Something like this.

From this leafy vantage point I smiled at all the children, who screamed and squealed with excitement when they spotted me. Their parents were obviously so concerned that the happiness of their children was reaching dangerous levels because they called the police who arrested me and put me into a cell. I smiled at them through the bars until they let me go.

And then I got bored of writing this post, so I stopped.