As someone who rarely exercises, these are the diet tips I live by. And I’m only ‘overweight’ on the BMI scale.
- The citric acid in an apple dissolves all the calories contained in a high-calorie meal. Therefore you should always have an apple after a pizza. The pineapple on a ham & pineapple pizza serves the same function, therefore saving you the time you’d have otherwise spent on eating an apple.
- You can put anything in a smoothie and it’d still be healthy, because it’s widely known that smoothies are healthy.
- It’s okay if you make yourself a healthy meal and then leave most of it. After all, you’ve saved yourself the amount of calories that you would’ve had if you’d eaten the healthy meal in the first place.
- Snickers contain nuts; nuts are healthy; therefore Snickers are healthy.
- Calories in drinks (i.e. beer and cider) don’t count. No-one really believes that you can have calories in liquids.
- Chocolate in cereal doesn’t count as being fattening, because cereal can’t be fattening.
- No-one takes into account the calories you burn whilst chewing food. It probably halves the calories written on the packet. Just make sure you put lots of effort into chewing your food, and you’ll remain calorie-neutral. I’m talking, like, heavy chewing. I want you to look like a camel.
- Food straight from the fridge to your mouth doesn’t count.
- Nor does taking a bite of someone else’s food (although it’s polite to ask first).