If the situation ever arises that I find myself once again a
free single man, and I decide to go out on the pull (do they still call it that?), I know exactly what I’ll do. I’m going to find the nearest baby, strap it to my chest, and just walk through town.
Why? Because women will be drawn to me like moths to a sexy flame. The baby on my chest will act like a magnet, lady-folk being pulled towards me from miles around, because for some reason women find men who have a baby strapped to their chest completely and utterly irresistible.
I should swiftly add that in the above photograph Jemima is facing away from the camera. At first glance it just looks like she has an incredibly hairy face.
Seriously, if you’re reading this and you’re single and/or lonely, go straight onto your eHarmony or Match.com profile and change your photo to you holding a baby. You’ll get loads of messages; but genuine messages this time, not just desperate notes from perverts.
A week or two ago I was in Warwick, wandering to the car park to pay for another ticket (these are mostly irrelevant details). I had Jemima strapped to my chest as we didn’t have her pram, and as we walked I was pulling faces at her.
I was literally getting The Eye from every single woman within a hundred-metre radius, even the really old ones who walk with a hunchback. They were practically wilting as I walked past, like I was in a deodorant advert or something.
So, mums: what is it that women find so attractive about a man carrying a baby?