Crunch Time

I hate the sound of crunching. HATE it. Loathe it, in fact, which I’m pretty sure is one above ‘hate’ on the hatred scale. I loathe the sound of crunching even more than I loathe oranges with peel so tight you can only pick it off in tiny bits at a time. THAT much.

Most of the time, when my wife is eating something crunchy (which I’m sure she does just to annoy me), I have to either leave the room or put earphones in and listen to something, anything, as long as it takes away the sound. It’s a thing I have, I guess. It even has a name: Misophonia. I am misophonic. (Not misogynistic, as some would have you believe.)

My eldest son does this weird thing when he bangs his teeth together as he eat. My younger son doesn’t crunch, but makes so much mess I can barely stand the thought of food being anywhere within arm’s reach. Basically, when it comes to crunching – or any eating-related sounds, for that matter – I can be a right stroppy arse.

Except for when Jemima eats. When Jemima eats I could listen to it all day long.

I don’t know if it’s the fact that she’s only 18 months old, and therefore doesn’t really have enough teeth to warrant a decent crunch, or because she has me well and truly wrapped around her finger, but I love the sound of her eating. Sometimes, when she’s eating a biscuit, I’ll put my face right next to hers and watch as she grips it in both hands and takes a tiny bite before smooshing her little moist lips together and crunching all sweetly.

I’m dreading the day that she starts annoying me when she eats. Until then, I’m going to continue to annoy her by putting my ear so close to her mouth when she munches on something that I run the risk of having a chunk bitten out of it, Holyfield-style.

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4 responses to “Crunch Time

  1. Lol im exactly the same. Stems from Grandad eating like a horse. Sometimes I have to ask my Mrs to go and eat chocolate in the kitchen as shes chomping too loudly!!!

  2. I am so with you on this! Sometimes the noise of others masticating their food drives me nuts – I have to bite my tongue to stop myself saying anything offensive. The worst is when people eat when they are talking to you on the phone – I have been known to terminate phone calls due to this. And mess … yup, with you on that too – God! I don’t know how my 7yr old manages to scatter gun food everywhere! Naturally I do not emit a sound or drop a crumb when I eat. :)

  3. I hear you on the being replused by them eating thang, though mine stems from lip smacking and that horrible wet mashy sound kids make when they push food around with their tongue. Grimo. The worst sound ever though is ‘i don’t like it’. When I’ve slaved over a homemade, healthy dinner in an attempt to be super mum, that’s enough to make me want to hurl. Great post.

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