You know when an Earth Mother comes up to you whilst you’re minding your own business? You can hear the swoosh of her grass skirt as she sidles up to you, the gentle pat-pat-pat of her woven sandals. You’re not in the mood to talk, instead using a finger to try and pry a LEGO [...]
Posts Tagged ‘dads’
Five Reasons Why Parenthood is Rubbish
Posted in Uncategorized, tagged dads, mums, parenthood, parenting, stress on January 13, 2012 | 3 Comments »
If we didn’t have kids…
Posted in Uncategorized, tagged children, dads, fatherhood, mums, parenting on December 17, 2011 | 5 Comments »
Most of the conversations I have with my wife begin with the words ‘If we didn’t have kids…’ In fact, so many that I even tweeted to this effect, on 20 October via Twitter for BlackBerry, as you can see. If we didn’t have kids, on a nice winter’s evening we could wander down to the castle, [...]
Damn You, Time.
Posted in Uncategorized, tagged clocks, dads, gmt, greenwich mean time, mums, parenting, time on October 30, 2011 | 14 Comments »
“Ooh, an extra hour in bed tomorrow!” squeals a childless friend, probably single. You shoot them daggers from across the room, little caffeine-tipped blades that will condemn the victim to a night of insomnia, thus never being able to relish in the extra hour they’ve been given. Of course, children don’t follow this rule. 6am [...]
The REAL Perk of Being a Dad
Posted in Uncategorized, tagged dads, fatherhood, mums, parenting on October 25, 2011 | 8 Comments »
I see a lot of tripe in the ‘blogosphere’ (shudder), especially when people talk about fatherhood. Really soppy things like ‘my heart swelled ten sizes when she took her first steps’, and ‘ooh, being a father has so wonderfully changed me, now even my trumps smell like Febreze’. The worst is ‘I’m trying to be [...]
Dropping a Deuce, Baby Style
Posted in Uncategorized, tagged baby, dads, fatherhood, nappy, toddler on September 3, 2011 | 4 Comments »
After my post of a few days ago, I’ve once again managed to tap into my 16 month-old’s thoughts. This is what goes through his mind when he’s just deposited an impressive load into his nappy. Hoo boy, here it comes. This is gonna be a big one, I can feel it. Enemy at the [...]
I want to embrace all of you, except that guy.
Posted in Uncategorized, tagged babies, books, children, dads, expectant parents, fatherhood, funny, new dads, parenting, pregnancy, writing on August 29, 2011 | Leave a Comment »
Many thanks to all who participated in my recent little ‘RT and follow’ competition on Twitter. ‘What competition?’ I hear you cry. Well, there was a competition. Maybe you should follow me, and perhaps next time you’ll be a little more on the ball. It was to win signed copies of my books. The winner [...]
Breastfeeding Sucks
Posted in Uncategorized, tagged baby, breast, breastfeeding, dads, father, feeding, weaning, world breastfeeding week on August 2, 2011 | Leave a Comment »
As it’s World Breastfeeding Week this week, I feel compelled to give you my perspective on this most natural of happenings. Firstly, like many men, I love boobs. Boobs. Love ‘em. They’re great.
Tick, tock…
Posted in Uncategorized, tagged award, blogger, blogging, child, dads, father, fatherhood, funny, nomination, parent, parenthood, parenting, poetry, pregnancy, writing on April 22, 2011 | 4 Comments »
Don’t worry. That’s not me counting down the seconds of your life, although it is ticking away. It’s simply to let you know that nominations for the MAD Blog Awards close on Monday 25th April, so I don’t have much time to convince as many of you as possible to put goodbyepertbreasts.com forward for an [...]
If you ain’t first, you’re last
Posted in Uncategorized, tagged award, books, dads, fatherhood, funny, mads, parenthood, parenting, pregnancy, writing on April 5, 2011 | 5 Comments »
Fellow parents, take heed. You may remember last year when I asked – nay, begged – for your nomination in the MAD Blog Awards 2010. You came up trumps, and in September I found myself in Bognor Regis at a rather swanky awards ceremony. It was a great evening, apart from the fact I didn’t [...]
Looking for the ultimate guide to being a dad?
Posted in Uncategorized, tagged advice, babies, dads, expectant parents, fatherhood, first time dads, first time parents, funny, humor, humour, mums, new parents, parenting, parenting help, parenting information, pregnancy, pregnancy diary, pregnancy help, preschool, teething, weaning on March 25, 2011 | 4 Comments »
You lucky, lucky people. Or words to that effect. ‘Goodbye, Pert Breasts’ has done pretty well since it was published as a book back in September. It’s received great reviews and I’ve had some lovely feedback from both mums and dads, for which I honestly thank you. For the last few months I’ve been slaving [...]
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